One Among Many

Wednesday was my birthday, and I spent the day telling people I was 39. Yea... I'm only 38. Go ahead, laugh; I did!

I think I live in a state of constant distraction and multi-tasking. Hence, I can't remember how old I am.

That is until something stops me in my tracks.

Isaiah's reading of his card: 

Dear mama,

You're the best mom I have ever gotten. 

Your Children. 

Isaiah

But mom I'm just gonna pretend that last part says, "You're fabulous!" so can you pretend to?

You betcha I can.

But my heart got hung up on "You're the best mom I've ever gotten," because I am one among many for my sweet boy. 

And my heart is divided because I hate what he's been through. I hate that I am one of many, not because he should have been mine first, but because no child should have to go through a parade of moms. 

And yet my heart is so grateful for the moms who came before who loved him and his brother so well. The girls did not have the same privilege. Very few of their moms loved them well. And it shows. 

And my heart hurts knowing he's hesitant to talk about missing those moms, especially his birth mom, because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings. 

And my heart has hope because his concern for me means he's healing and he's bonding.

And that makes my heart smile.

Happy Birthday to me.