Wednesday, March 20, 2013

A Thank You Note to My Accuser

Dear You Know Who You Are,

And I mean that in the nicest way possible because even if we don't know who you are, obviously you know who you are. 

I wish I did because what I want more than anything is to take you by the hand and just simply say, 

You have no idea what you have done for our family!

Please take note of the fact I said FOR and not TO.

I'm quite sure it wasn't your intention, but you have given us a tremendous gift
albeit wrapped in lies delivered under the cloak of anonymity.

I need to thank you because

See you unknowingly blessed us with a growth spurt of healing. 

Make no mistake, we have visited hell often during the last 30 days,
but we were not kept. 

And understand, healing is not without pain. Ask any cancer survivor. 

But regardless of how it comes or what it looks like, healing is healing. 
And we will take it.

See when you parent a traumatized child, especially one with RAD, every waking moment is marked by time being lost or gained in the race toward healing and attachment. This is a daily marathon, not a sprint. There are no shortcuts. 

When you tell a child who has no concept of unconditional love 

that you believe in them, 
that you love them, 
that you will never leave them, 
that you will always fight for them,

they cannot hear you. 

Words mean nothing without action, and the daily "normal" evidences of love require YEARS of accumulation before they sink deep and take root. 

But YOU, 
my blessed accuser 
with your perversion of the truth, 
gave us a shortcut. 

In fact, quite a few.
  • When our family was crowded into a tiny DHS office as we took turns answering questions about our "unorthodox parenting," all 6 kids laughed and played together to pass the time. Because this DHS experience was different from all the others, because they were part of a FAMILY as a united front, they saw they were loved and worth fighting for.
  • When they learned their Bigs were just as scared as they were, but covered it for their sake, they saw they were loved and worth fighting for.
  • When the eldest confessed to stifling his inner William Wallace because he was planning how to escape that tiny office with them all in his arms, they saw they were loved and worth fighting for. 
  • When I offered to leave our home if it meant my children would not be removed, they saw they were loved and worth fighting for.
  • When Dad didn't go to Belize and told the church his family needed him more, they saw they were loved and worth fighting for.
  • When we explained there was an unknown enemy in the camp and we were closing ranks and circling the wagons to protect our family, they saw they were loved and worth fighting for. 
  • When they sobbed out fears of "being taken away" after "finally feeling like a family" and I begged them to hang on for just a few more days, to not give up on our family, promising we weren't giving up on them, they saw they were loved and worth fighting for.

But when that conversation ended
with little arms squeezing me tight
and heartfelt words spilling out among tears,

"I love you so much; I'm so glad you're my mom,"
when before it was only a call and response routine,



they were loved and worth fighting for.

And that is worth every minute of all the pain, you my accuser, brought into our lives
because in the last 30 days love has sunk months deep and planted roots years long.

Not how we wanted it, but oh how we needed it.

So again I say thank you.

Because what you meant for harm, God used it all for good.

On March 18, 2013, the allegation of child abuse was found to be NOT true, and the case was dismissed.

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