Monday, February 4, 2013

To Quiet A Voice



I have something to say. Lots of somethings about lots of things.

I know God wants me to write. He has given me a voice. 

And I have no problem using it until I realize someone is actually listening.

There are moments when an intense knowing consumes me, and I become oblivious to everyone and everything except for the one who is supposed to hear what I must say. In those moments I feel the Holy Spirit pouring out of me, saying words I've never thought, seeing things clearly I should not know or understand. 


Sometimes, I'm told I'm too opinionated, domineering, & over-step my bounds.

Sometimes, I'm told I have the gift of discernment. 

But once I was called a prophet, not in the forth-telling sense, but in the truth-telling way. 

And that was unnerving for this Baptist PK/PW. 

I carried that label like a secret badge, my personal Scarlet Letter, because no good Baptist girl would ever see herself in such a capacity. 

So I tried to be quiet. Tried to fit the mold of what others expected or what at least I thought others expected.



But that doesn't ever last long. Because I can't help myself. 

When I feel the push to speak, I can't contain it. When my eyes are locked with someone who needs to hear Truth spoken into them, I have no choice but to say the words the Holy Spirit puts in my mouth. 

Not everybody receives it well, but those who need it the most hear Him and not me. 

When I speak, it's to that individual, and no one else is listening. Or at least it feels that way. 

When I write, I feel like the whole world is listening intently. And suddenly I am terrified. 

In that way, on this page, where my heart says it counts the most, the Enemy has found how to quiet my voice.

But today, I have locked eyes with my blank screen, felt His push, and spoken Truth into the one who needed to hear it. 

Me.

I have a voice because He has something for me to say.


11 comments:

  1. Deborah- I think we have a few things in common. I too have been told much about my zeal, my boldness being a bit much leaving me ashamed and asking God "Why did you curse me this way?"
    I think your voice was powerful here today and I am grateful to have read it. It matters.

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    1. Thanks so much, Jennifer for reading and commenting! So grateful for the privilege to get to know you & walk this road together.

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    2. and btw- I have thought a million times, "God why did you make me this way? Why do I have this fire if I'm not supposed to use it for You?" I'm slowly hearing Him say, "Oh, but you are!"

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  2. ohmigosh TOTALLY. i was talking to elora about this because i have wondered deep in my soul if this seeing-the-truth-and-telling-it could be a gift of spirit. could i be a prophet? i am NOT outspoken. so pretty much no one knows about these wonderings in me... i had a "vision" a couple of months ago that really brought it to surface wondering... i think maybe my "voice" can be heard in my art, as well as my little writing i've done, as well as aloud when i'm brave enough (i am also part of a baptist church). thank you for your encouragement to use my voice. you may have been speaking to yourself, but i heard, too, and i can't wait to see what the spirit does through his prophetesses (elora is, too :)

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    1. Girl, I can't tell you what it means that something I wrote 100% for me was also meant 100% for someone else! God knows who we are & He is drawing us out to walk in our calling! Off to read your latest!

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  3. Deborah,
    Thank you for your sweet words, and for stopping by my blog today! :) I love what you said here, and I'm thankful you are no longer bottling yourself up! You certainly sound like someone I would want to get to know--someone with wisdom and passion!
    Praise God for you and your words!

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    1. Oh girl you made my day by visiting my blog! Looking forward to getting to know each other through the blogiverse!

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  4. You expressed exactly what I've felt. When I first started blogging, I remember how hesitant I was to put my words out but then, I wrote a post on "showing your stuff" and I haven't stopped sharing. I think people need to read "real" life and know the "real" person behind the words. I also admire your courage to say exactly what you know the Holy Spirit is laying on you to say. The very first time I spoke at church, I was so exhilarated that I couldn't stop smiling. It felt right that I was in the place that I am now. I am looking forward to reading your words, my new blog friend!

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    1. I love your blog, Simone!! Thanks for dropping by and encouraging me!

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  5. I think wrapping our words in love helps to deliver even the most difficult of messages. Keep writing!

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    1. Very true. Sometimes love is soft, but sometimes it's tough. God uses both.

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